Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Technology Rules
It's been said before, but I'll say it again. If it's not on Facebook, it's not real. Is this what the world has come to? Though, I guess it's not as bad as this.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Cosmic Ballet
So what do you get when the Earth travels through the debris trail of the Tempel-Tuttle comet? A light show of cosmic proportions! Last night was the prime time to watch this year's Leonid meteor shower, and I didn't let the freezing weather stop me from enjoying the show. I guess I should consider myself fortunate that I don't live in a big city (some say I live out in the boonies), and coupled with the fact that my development banned street lights, the perks of no light pollution became apparent.
I dunno why, but the stars seemed to shine extra bright last night. I couldn't help but mentally recite the conversation between Simba, Timon, and Pumbaa about whether or not I was looking at dead kings of the past, fireflies, or burning balls of gas. And as I stood outside, bundled up in sweats, with my head cocked back at a 90 degree angle, it dawned on my just how tiny we really are in comparison to the universe. Everything seemed so far away and disconnected. It was a very humbling and lonely feeling, that is, until the cosmic ballet intervened.
I was on the phone scanning the dark sky when all of a sudden there was a big bright streak across the sky. Perhaps it was because I was alone in my backyard but I started thinking that I was the only one who witnessed that meteoroid at that very moment. But as I'm sure you've figured out by now, I wasn't. Our excitement was apparent over the phone. I think it's pretty cool when two people witness the same shooting star at the same time, from two very different locations, only to have the same shared sentiment of pure and utter amazement. The moment made me smile because I knew that somewhere out there, we were wishing on the same bright star.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
LHC
I'm sure most of you know or at least have heard a teeny bit about the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) by now. But for those of you who have not, the LHC is a ginormous particle accelerator created to test high energy physics and try to prove the existence of the Higgs boson. What a boson is, I have no idea, nor do I know who Higgs is. All I know is that the LHC is the supposed Doomsday device that will bring forth the end of the world as we know it.
Conspiracy theorists say that the LHC will create mini black holes that will implode the Earth, or that we'll stumble upon antimatter and things will simply be obliterated in a burst of high energy gamma rays. Sounds cool right? One minute you're sitting on the couch and the next minute you're staring face to antiface with the antiyou that is antisitting on the anticouch. And the instance you two touch, you both vanish and everything around you becomes doused in gamma rays (not to mention that everything will most likely turn lovely shades of green ala Bruce Banner).
But what's holding back our Hulk-like rampages? The fact that the stupid machine keeps breaking down. First it was a violent failure in the circuitry connections which lead to a liquid helium leak. And now it's a freakin bread crumb dropped by a bird leading to overheating in the superconducting magnets. Epic FAIL. How the hell does something like this happen? Yes I know the machine is super complex, but come on. If I were building a machine that costs several billion dollars, I'd make sure it had some sort of screen to protect it's vital parts from falling bread crumbs.
Despite its apparent vulnerability to pastries, the LHC is scheduled to start up again in a couple of weeks. Or is it? Some say that the recent hiccups that the LHC has endured isn't simply a case of bad luck, but rather a divine intervention. Could it be that the LHC is being sabotaged by its own future? Could the Higgs boson be so catastrophic to mankind, nay, the very fabric of space and time that something/someone is actively trying to prevent us from unleashing said catastrophe? Is there some divine presence denying us the knowledge of the beginnings of our universe, much like God denied Adam and Eve the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge? Apparently the LHC is 17-mile long serpent and the Higgs boson is the forbidden fruit. I believe Dr. Ian Malcolm said it best, "Scientists are so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think whether or not they should." Someone should have mentioned that to the creators of this. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.
Conspiracy theorists say that the LHC will create mini black holes that will implode the Earth, or that we'll stumble upon antimatter and things will simply be obliterated in a burst of high energy gamma rays. Sounds cool right? One minute you're sitting on the couch and the next minute you're staring face to antiface with the antiyou that is antisitting on the anticouch. And the instance you two touch, you both vanish and everything around you becomes doused in gamma rays (not to mention that everything will most likely turn lovely shades of green ala Bruce Banner).
But what's holding back our Hulk-like rampages? The fact that the stupid machine keeps breaking down. First it was a violent failure in the circuitry connections which lead to a liquid helium leak. And now it's a freakin bread crumb dropped by a bird leading to overheating in the superconducting magnets. Epic FAIL. How the hell does something like this happen? Yes I know the machine is super complex, but come on. If I were building a machine that costs several billion dollars, I'd make sure it had some sort of screen to protect it's vital parts from falling bread crumbs.
Despite its apparent vulnerability to pastries, the LHC is scheduled to start up again in a couple of weeks. Or is it? Some say that the recent hiccups that the LHC has endured isn't simply a case of bad luck, but rather a divine intervention. Could it be that the LHC is being sabotaged by its own future? Could the Higgs boson be so catastrophic to mankind, nay, the very fabric of space and time that something/someone is actively trying to prevent us from unleashing said catastrophe? Is there some divine presence denying us the knowledge of the beginnings of our universe, much like God denied Adam and Eve the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge? Apparently the LHC is 17-mile long serpent and the Higgs boson is the forbidden fruit. I believe Dr. Ian Malcolm said it best, "Scientists are so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think whether or not they should." Someone should have mentioned that to the creators of this. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Casualty of War
I have a feeling that this will be worse than Bejeweled Blitz. So long productivity and/or social life!
Monday, November 9, 2009
NaNoFAILMo
I have given up on trying to write a 50K word novel in only a month. Who am I kidding, I'm not even motivated enough to blog about random things - let alone write a novel from scratch. Despite the quantity over quality nature of the challenge and the slogan of "No Plot? No Problem!" - I am a mild perfectionist at heart and will constantly edit and re-edit my work while it is still in progress. Case in point: within 5 minutes of starting this post, I've already started editing sentences and checking the fluidity. Damn. This is why I'd never make it to fifty thousand words. Shit, I didn't even make it to 100 words. But I promised y'all I'd keep you in the loop of my novel endeavors, so without further ado, the first 95 words of my failed novel. Enjoy!
Aeschylus once said, "In war, truth is the first casualty." I'll bet he's damned proud to know that after 4000 years, he's still right. The histories will declare that this war is the War of all wars; how easily they forgot all the other "war of all wars" that we've endured. To some, war is the single greatest human invention, one that is simultaneously the source of our greatest advancements - and our greatest declines. To me, war is just another paycheck waiting to be cashed. My name is Kathryn Tegav, and this is my story.
Forgotten things
So here are some things that I wanted to post previously, but never got around to it. And unfortunately, now they're a bit dated, so I'll keep my views brief.
Balloon boy
Balloon boy
Okay seriously, what the hell is wrong with the world today. Who in their right mind would even think to suggest a balloon hoax that involves their 6 year old child? Teaching your kids to lie in an attempt to have your 15 minutes of fame is shameful. I feel sorry for the kid, and the craptastic amount of time he’ll no doubt have to spend in therapy.
Recycle your plastic
***** WARNING – Disturbing photos ahead! *****
I saw this random photo blog one day and was completely taken aback. If you click on the gallery “Midway – Message from the Gyre” you’ll see what I’m talking about. In a nutshell, all the plastic garbage in the Pacific gets concentrated in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. The pictures were taken on the Midway atoll and birds that nest on the
Monday, November 2, 2009
NaNoWriMo Challenge?
November is here and for some, it's synonymous with the National Novel Writing Month challenge. The challenge is simple (in the not-so-simple kind of way) in that amateur writers attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in one month. I've grown a bit fond of blog challenges - but this is definitely a daunting task. In order to meet this goal, I'd have to write ~1,667 words/day, which would be fine if I didn't have a little thing called work to keep most of my time occupied. But challenges are called challenges for a reason, and I'll do my best. I'm going to try and work off an old science fiction plot line I had thought about when I was in high school, and will do my best to update this blog with my progression. Hell, maybe I'll even write my novel here for everyone to enjoy. All 2 of you loyal readers =P
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Mid-October Report
Well it's halfway through October, and already so much has happened.
I've decided not to have a blog project for October, mainly because doing 30 new things in September and then having to write about it was harder and more time consuming than I had originally anticipated. Thus I shall save the next project till November. I'm still looking for ideas, and with only a few weeks remaining in the month, I better be struck by inspiration soon.
On another note, the first rainstorm of the season has come and gone. It was quick, fast, and wet. But underneath the soaked shoes and socks, the rain's presence was a bit refreshing. Not only did it give my car a desperately needed bath, it also changed up my daily commute. The windshield wipers awoke from their hibernation, and I was reminded of the movie Flash of Genius as I turned my wipers to the intermittent speed. The rhythmic back and forth swaying gave me something else to focus on, instead of the drab asphalt highway ahead of me. But the rain has gone away, and it may be sometime before it shows back up again.
Perhaps the rainstorm was some cosmic harbinger of the dark things to come; a foreboding presence of doom and gloom. In a nutshell, round #3 of layoffs happened at work, and it hit with an intensity as ferocious as the storm clouds outside. The fight to survive in the biotech industry is getting harder, and the casualties are getting closer to home. With the loss of five coworkers, two of which I'm close with, I feel like the dynamic that bound us all together is deteriorating rapidly in front of my eyes. So much has changed since I first started working here 2 years ago, and though I know change is inevitable, it's not any more welcomed. But like all losses, there's a time for mourning, healing, and eventually moving forward.
So here's to hoping the rest of October will be better than the first half. With Halloween coming up, the images of scantily clad women and lots of partying makes the odds look good.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
30th New Thing in 30 Days
New Thing List Recap:
New Thing #30: Send in a PostSecret
For those of you who are unaware, PostSecret is a blog project where people mail in their secrets on creative postcards, and the creator posts them online for all to see. It is completely anonymous and it allows people to express themselves or confess their sins/vices/dirty little secrets without the shame and persecution of public knowledge. It's kind of like Group Hug, where senders and readers can fulfill their exhibitionist and voyeuristic needs. It gets updated every Sunday night, so here's to hoping that mine will show up sometime soon. Chances are slim, but there's always hope.
And with that, my 30 New Things in 30 Days project comes to an end. It was quiet enjoyable and definitely worthwhile and I'm glad I did it. Many thanks to those of you who wouldn't let me slack off or drop the ball, I don't think I would have lasted 30 days without your support. I'm thinking of taking October off, and start November with a new project. I have some ideas floating around, but if you've got one you think I should do, please don't hesitate to let me know. Cheers!
- Eat dim sum for dinner.
- Try a 5 hour energy shot.
- Successfully defeated credit card fraud.
- Eat a deep-fried White Castle.
- Visited the Stevenson bridge.
- Watched Gamer.
- Baked cupcakes blindfolded.
- Counted how many licks it took to get to the center of a tootsie pop
- Sent a telegram.
- Bought a Logitech ultra thin illuminated keyboard.
- Got an autograph from a TV star.
- Made caramel apples.
- Cleaned a cow pen.
- Read the Watchmen.
- Visited the Lafayette hillside memorial.
- Became a fan of Glee.
- Took a shower with all my clothes on.
- Took a Jung typology test.
- Watched District 9.
- Read Cosmopolitan from cover to cover.
- Tested out a Snuggie.
- Ate baby food.
- Shaved a balloon.
- Made a time lapse video.
- Gambled in Las Vegas.
- Drank booze in Las Vegas.
- Got on an exclusive guest list in Las Vegas.
- Baked challah from scratch.
- Ate a 4x4 animal style.
New Thing #30: Send in a PostSecret
For those of you who are unaware, PostSecret is a blog project where people mail in their secrets on creative postcards, and the creator posts them online for all to see. It is completely anonymous and it allows people to express themselves or confess their sins/vices/dirty little secrets without the shame and persecution of public knowledge. It's kind of like Group Hug, where senders and readers can fulfill their exhibitionist and voyeuristic needs. It gets updated every Sunday night, so here's to hoping that mine will show up sometime soon. Chances are slim, but there's always hope.
And with that, my 30 New Things in 30 Days project comes to an end. It was quiet enjoyable and definitely worthwhile and I'm glad I did it. Many thanks to those of you who wouldn't let me slack off or drop the ball, I don't think I would have lasted 30 days without your support. I'm thinking of taking October off, and start November with a new project. I have some ideas floating around, but if you've got one you think I should do, please don't hesitate to let me know. Cheers!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Home Stretch
New Thing #28: Bake Challah from scratch
In case you've never had it before, challah (C is silent!) is a traditional Jewish bread that is typically braided. Now I've never made bread from scratch before, let alone one that requires braiding before baking, so this was definitely something new. The recipe was simple enough - yeast, sugar, water, flour, egg, and oil. The kneading was fun, as was punching down the dough after it had risen for a bit. Everything was going well until I hit the 5 yard line. I dunno what happened, but I fumbled the ball, and that fumble cost me the golden brown crust I was looking for. In the end, the crust was slightly burnt, but the insides were nice and tasty.
In case you've never had it before, challah (C is silent!) is a traditional Jewish bread that is typically braided. Now I've never made bread from scratch before, let alone one that requires braiding before baking, so this was definitely something new. The recipe was simple enough - yeast, sugar, water, flour, egg, and oil. The kneading was fun, as was punching down the dough after it had risen for a bit. Everything was going well until I hit the 5 yard line. I dunno what happened, but I fumbled the ball, and that fumble cost me the golden brown crust I was looking for. In the end, the crust was slightly burnt, but the insides were nice and tasty.
New Thing #29: Eat a 4x4 animal style
In hindsight, it probably wasn't a great idea. Come to think of it, it was a terrible idea. What's worse is that I was actually going to attempt a 5x5, but someone was watching out for me because the In N' Out in San Ramon only goes as high as a 4x4. And to those of you who've been living under a rock, a 4x4 consists of 4 patties and 4 slices of cheese. Animal style throws on grilled onions and their 'special sauce.' Never have I consumed something that delicately walked the line between deliciousness and grotesqueness. Damn good going in, not so good coming out. That burger truly lived up to the 'in-and-out' name. Everybody should start investing in the company, because a place that sells food that also acts as a laxative has nowhere to go but up.
In hindsight, it probably wasn't a great idea. Come to think of it, it was a terrible idea. What's worse is that I was actually going to attempt a 5x5, but someone was watching out for me because the In N' Out in San Ramon only goes as high as a 4x4. And to those of you who've been living under a rock, a 4x4 consists of 4 patties and 4 slices of cheese. Animal style throws on grilled onions and their 'special sauce.' Never have I consumed something that delicately walked the line between deliciousness and grotesqueness. Damn good going in, not so good coming out. That burger truly lived up to the 'in-and-out' name. Everybody should start investing in the company, because a place that sells food that also acts as a laxative has nowhere to go but up.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Viva Las Vegas!
New Thing #25: Gamble in Las Vegas
It's a crying shame that this was my first time to Lost Wages since I've turned 21 and could finally have some legal fun. To think that all this time I've been sitting around saving my money idly when I could have been at the casino tables, bending over. This past weekend I definitely made up for lost time. There's something about the sounds of the slot machines and the clinking of chips that just makes you want to get in there and go all in, hoping for no whammies. The motto of the weekend was "You have to spend money to make money." For some, the winnings came easy, for me, not so much. I am a gambling newb, and though I managed to hold my own in blackjack at the Bellagio, in the end, the House always wins.
Gambling perk: Solicitations and promises of a free cab ride and a free entry, from strip club promoters named Romeo. If you want his number, I've got it...seriously.
It's a crying shame that this was my first time to Lost Wages since I've turned 21 and could finally have some legal fun. To think that all this time I've been sitting around saving my money idly when I could have been at the casino tables, bending over. This past weekend I definitely made up for lost time. There's something about the sounds of the slot machines and the clinking of chips that just makes you want to get in there and go all in, hoping for no whammies. The motto of the weekend was "You have to spend money to make money." For some, the winnings came easy, for me, not so much. I am a gambling newb, and though I managed to hold my own in blackjack at the Bellagio, in the end, the House always wins.
Gambling perk: Solicitations and promises of a free cab ride and a free entry, from strip club promoters named Romeo. If you want his number, I've got it...seriously.
New Thing #26: Drink booze in Las Vegas
What's better than the pain of knowing you've lost your entire paycheck in 20 minutes? Not realizing you've lost your entire paycheck because you're intoxicated. And we're talking smashed. If you're ever in Vegas, hit up a Fat Tuesday's and get the 190 Octane. It's a frozen slushy with 190 proof Everclear. An extra shot of Everclear on top of it is only $1 more. Oh.My.God. Schwastyfaced to the max. I didn't even finish the drink - which was probably a good thing because those that did ended up having a reversal of fortune. By far the cheapest way to get you really really really effed up. Highly recommended.
Drinking perk: Free drinks at the tables, slots, and any place where you're already losing money.
What's better than the pain of knowing you've lost your entire paycheck in 20 minutes? Not realizing you've lost your entire paycheck because you're intoxicated. And we're talking smashed. If you're ever in Vegas, hit up a Fat Tuesday's and get the 190 Octane. It's a frozen slushy with 190 proof Everclear. An extra shot of Everclear on top of it is only $1 more. Oh.My.God. Schwastyfaced to the max. I didn't even finish the drink - which was probably a good thing because those that did ended up having a reversal of fortune. By far the cheapest way to get you really really really effed up. Highly recommended.
Drinking perk: Free drinks at the tables, slots, and any place where you're already losing money.
New Thing #27: Be on an exclusive guest list in Las Vegas
Thanks to some awesome Redbull hookups, we got on the guest list for Tabu, Studio 54, and Wet Republic. Normally covers for these places range from $20-50, but we got in for free. It was definitely an experience and I've come to realize the utter truth that Las Vegas is full of beautiful people. And average Joe Schmoe's like me can easily find themselves out of place. That's how I felt at Wet Republic, the exclusive pool area at MGM grand. It's advertised as the "nightclub experience" during the day, and with scantily clad lingerie models in tiny bikini's and tanned muscle men with 20-pack abs. But damn, talk about eye candy. Just a few pics, but I'm sure you can extrapolate from them how the weekend went.
Guest list perk: Partying like a rock star without having to pay the ridiculous cover charges.
Thanks to some awesome Redbull hookups, we got on the guest list for Tabu, Studio 54, and Wet Republic. Normally covers for these places range from $20-50, but we got in for free. It was definitely an experience and I've come to realize the utter truth that Las Vegas is full of beautiful people. And average Joe Schmoe's like me can easily find themselves out of place. That's how I felt at Wet Republic, the exclusive pool area at MGM grand. It's advertised as the "nightclub experience" during the day, and with scantily clad lingerie models in tiny bikini's and tanned muscle men with 20-pack abs. But damn, talk about eye candy. Just a few pics, but I'm sure you can extrapolate from them how the weekend went.
Guest list perk: Partying like a rock star without having to pay the ridiculous cover charges.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Six Little New Things Jumping on a Bed...
New Thing #19: District 9
What is there to say about it? It was a great movie. When it first started, it had the feel of a documentary, since it would cut back and forth between short interview snippets, but as it progressed, it felt more and more like a regular movie. It had that perfect blend of realism and fiction, so much so that you'd find yourself believing that aliens really did land over Johannesburg. Even though the aliens look nothing like their derogatorily referred name 'prawns', I found myself craving seafood after the movie. I don't want to give away any spoilers for those who have yet to see it, so stop reading this blog and go watch it. I'll wait. Go. NOW.
New Thing #20: Read Cosmopolitan from cover to cover
Who says a man can't get in touch of his feminine side? In my defense, the cover girl for this month's Cosmo was Transformers hottie, Megan Fox. So I can blame this whole thing on being interested in all the pretty pictures of Ms. Fox. And it's not like there's too much reading; the magazine is chalk full of advertisements for perfumes and colognes, which delightfully made my fingers smell nice as I thumbed through. Surprisingly, it was a lot more sexual than one would normally think. Stories about sex, confessions about sex, hell, even 12 new sex moves to let the naughty bad girl out to play. Giggity giggity. However, it's also full of crap. Craptastic crap. An article that feigns wisdom by telling you four truths that his eyes reveal is simply four pictures of men's eyes with captions like "I'm bummed", "I love you", "I'm pulling on over on you", and "I want you". They're close ups of eyes, and for all you know they could be saying "What should I eat tonight?", "I'm tired", "I just farted", and "How you doing?" Then there's the article titled "Why he calls you a nag when you're not." NEWS FLASH: If he calls you a nag, it's because you're being a nag. Knock. It. Off. There's also an article that says "guys like it when you use your thong as a hair tie." I'm going to set the record straight, and I'm only going to say it once, so pay attention. There are only two places a guy wants to see your thong. 1) On your ass, and 2) On his bedroom floor.
New Thing #21: Test out a Snuggie
By now you've seen the picture of me reading Cosmo, and you're probably wondering what that blue blanket looks so familiar. Well you've guessed it, that's me testing out my brand new Snuggie. The blanket with sleeves really is a piece of work. It's true to its one size fits all logo. The sleeves are huge and there were plenty of times where I felt like a Jawa drowning in a sea of blue faux-fleece. And while the box claims to be super soft fleece, it really isn't. I'm pretty sure real fleece doesn't make you feel like a Tesla coil when trying to take it off. The amount of static electricity jumping between me and the Snuggie was enough to power light bulbs. No joke. It does its job, whatever a blanket with sleeves job would be. And for $15 bucks, you get what you pay for. Snuggie pub crawl anyone?
New Thing #22: Eat baby food
Well if you're wondering if I'm too old for this, the label clearly states "8 months & up"...it just doesn't make clear how far "up" really covers. My meal of choice: organic vegetable chicken dinner. Pureed chicken, potatoes, peas, and carrots. It doesn't really smell like anything, and I can taste the starchiness of the potatoes, but overall, the whole concoction is bland and a bit perplexing. When you gained the ability to eat solid foods, you associate certain tastes with a certain texture, and when you don't get the texture that you're expecting, it just doesn't taste or feel right. Remember Crystal Pepsi? Or green ketchup? That shit just isn't right. Pepsi needs to be brown, and ketchup needs to be red. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Getting back to the baby food, there were subtle hints at individual flavors but it all was masked by the weird homogeneous goo. I'm know my instant rejection to it was all mental, but I don't care. Two small spoonfuls of that crap and I instantly had a new found appreciation for the ability to eat solid foods. And I now know why baby poo is the way it is. Babies just leech out the nutrients they needs and pass the "food" through their system. No need to waste energy compacting and solidifying the waste. Baby food comes out the same color and texture as the way it came it. Now that's efficiency.
New Thing #23: Shave a balloon
Ever since I watched the show Wild & Crazy Kids on Nickelodeon, I've always wanted to shave a balloon. It looked like so much fun; the kids racing to shave a balloon cleanly without popping it. But I never got the chance when I was little. So naturally, when I decided to start this small project, shaving a balloon made the list of new things to do. The materials were easy enough to gather: a latex balloon, shaving cream, and a razor. Okay, so this new thing has a small caveat. I couldn't find a straight edge razor, and from what I hear, they're pretty dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. So I had to stick with what I had on hand, a titanium Schick Quattro. I added a face onto the balloon for realism, and lathered it up. Let me tell you this, putting shaving cream onto a balloon is not as easy as one would think. First off, trying to spread the shaving cream is hard when you're trying to make an even coat because the cream acts like glue and the balloon goes everywhere your hand does. Secondly, the shaving cream made the balloon unbalanced and it continually tried to roll to one side or another and effectively made a gloppy mess of my bathroom counter. But after a fierce battle, the balloon, who I named Wilson, was ready. The shaving went off without a hitch. The nick protection of the Schick Quattro made sure I didn't cut Wilson's tight skin, and the four titanium blades cut through the cream like a hot knife through butter. By the time I was done, Wilson looked like he had just gotten a full Brazilian on his face. It was a beautiful sight. And then I popped him.
New thing #24: Make a time lapse video
What is there to say about it? It was a great movie. When it first started, it had the feel of a documentary, since it would cut back and forth between short interview snippets, but as it progressed, it felt more and more like a regular movie. It had that perfect blend of realism and fiction, so much so that you'd find yourself believing that aliens really did land over Johannesburg. Even though the aliens look nothing like their derogatorily referred name 'prawns', I found myself craving seafood after the movie. I don't want to give away any spoilers for those who have yet to see it, so stop reading this blog and go watch it. I'll wait. Go. NOW.
New Thing #20: Read Cosmopolitan from cover to cover
Who says a man can't get in touch of his feminine side? In my defense, the cover girl for this month's Cosmo was Transformers hottie, Megan Fox. So I can blame this whole thing on being interested in all the pretty pictures of Ms. Fox. And it's not like there's too much reading; the magazine is chalk full of advertisements for perfumes and colognes, which delightfully made my fingers smell nice as I thumbed through. Surprisingly, it was a lot more sexual than one would normally think. Stories about sex, confessions about sex, hell, even 12 new sex moves to let the naughty bad girl out to play. Giggity giggity. However, it's also full of crap. Craptastic crap. An article that feigns wisdom by telling you four truths that his eyes reveal is simply four pictures of men's eyes with captions like "I'm bummed", "I love you", "I'm pulling on over on you", and "I want you". They're close ups of eyes, and for all you know they could be saying "What should I eat tonight?", "I'm tired", "I just farted", and "How you doing?" Then there's the article titled "Why he calls you a nag when you're not." NEWS FLASH: If he calls you a nag, it's because you're being a nag. Knock. It. Off. There's also an article that says "guys like it when you use your thong as a hair tie." I'm going to set the record straight, and I'm only going to say it once, so pay attention. There are only two places a guy wants to see your thong. 1) On your ass, and 2) On his bedroom floor.
New Thing #21: Test out a Snuggie
By now you've seen the picture of me reading Cosmo, and you're probably wondering what that blue blanket looks so familiar. Well you've guessed it, that's me testing out my brand new Snuggie. The blanket with sleeves really is a piece of work. It's true to its one size fits all logo. The sleeves are huge and there were plenty of times where I felt like a Jawa drowning in a sea of blue faux-fleece. And while the box claims to be super soft fleece, it really isn't. I'm pretty sure real fleece doesn't make you feel like a Tesla coil when trying to take it off. The amount of static electricity jumping between me and the Snuggie was enough to power light bulbs. No joke. It does its job, whatever a blanket with sleeves job would be. And for $15 bucks, you get what you pay for. Snuggie pub crawl anyone?
New Thing #22: Eat baby food
Well if you're wondering if I'm too old for this, the label clearly states "8 months & up"...it just doesn't make clear how far "up" really covers. My meal of choice: organic vegetable chicken dinner. Pureed chicken, potatoes, peas, and carrots. It doesn't really smell like anything, and I can taste the starchiness of the potatoes, but overall, the whole concoction is bland and a bit perplexing. When you gained the ability to eat solid foods, you associate certain tastes with a certain texture, and when you don't get the texture that you're expecting, it just doesn't taste or feel right. Remember Crystal Pepsi? Or green ketchup? That shit just isn't right. Pepsi needs to be brown, and ketchup needs to be red. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Getting back to the baby food, there were subtle hints at individual flavors but it all was masked by the weird homogeneous goo. I'm know my instant rejection to it was all mental, but I don't care. Two small spoonfuls of that crap and I instantly had a new found appreciation for the ability to eat solid foods. And I now know why baby poo is the way it is. Babies just leech out the nutrients they needs and pass the "food" through their system. No need to waste energy compacting and solidifying the waste. Baby food comes out the same color and texture as the way it came it. Now that's efficiency.
New Thing #23: Shave a balloon
Ever since I watched the show Wild & Crazy Kids on Nickelodeon, I've always wanted to shave a balloon. It looked like so much fun; the kids racing to shave a balloon cleanly without popping it. But I never got the chance when I was little. So naturally, when I decided to start this small project, shaving a balloon made the list of new things to do. The materials were easy enough to gather: a latex balloon, shaving cream, and a razor. Okay, so this new thing has a small caveat. I couldn't find a straight edge razor, and from what I hear, they're pretty dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. So I had to stick with what I had on hand, a titanium Schick Quattro. I added a face onto the balloon for realism, and lathered it up. Let me tell you this, putting shaving cream onto a balloon is not as easy as one would think. First off, trying to spread the shaving cream is hard when you're trying to make an even coat because the cream acts like glue and the balloon goes everywhere your hand does. Secondly, the shaving cream made the balloon unbalanced and it continually tried to roll to one side or another and effectively made a gloppy mess of my bathroom counter. But after a fierce battle, the balloon, who I named Wilson, was ready. The shaving went off without a hitch. The nick protection of the Schick Quattro made sure I didn't cut Wilson's tight skin, and the four titanium blades cut through the cream like a hot knife through butter. By the time I was done, Wilson looked like he had just gotten a full Brazilian on his face. It was a beautiful sight. And then I popped him.
New thing #24: Make a time lapse video
I'm sure you've all seen a time lapse video before, most likely while you were browsing through random YouTube clips when you should have been working. There's something fascinating about watching things at high speeds, and since I just recently discovered that I had a time lapse function on my digital camera, I put two and two together. I wasn't srue what to make a video of, and then it hit me, why not show the world what I go through every single day. So sit back and relax, here's a 30 second clip of my commute home.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Three's a Crowd
Time to play catch up! September is almost over! Eeek!
New Thing #16: Become a fan of Glee
Oh yes, I'm now officially a Gleek! It's a modern take on musicals and without the childish feel of any of the High School Musicals that had swept the tweens so long ago. The cast is young and unknown which I doubt will last much longer. It seems everywhere I turn people are coming down with glee fever and I'm sure enrollment in actual high school glee clubs have skyrocketed (aren't they called choir nowadays?). The three episodes that have been aired so far have been full of every adolescent cliche that you could possibly imagine. Nerdy kids vs. the popular crowd, handsome arrogant jock learns the value of inner beauty and the power of believing in oneself to ultimately reform and stand up for all nerds. Hmm...sounds kinda like the end of Revenge of the Nerds except it's not a busty blond cheerleader who bridges the gap between nerdom and jockville. Let us not forget Mercedes, the token black girl with her "aww hell to the nah" or Kurt, with his flamboyant I'm-so-gay-it's-practically-stamped-on-my-forehead bravado that the creators have so elegantly kept subtle. We've even got some crazies in there (mainly Emma - who will always, in my mind, be Hiro's lost love, Charlie). But I love all the characters (even the completely random new ones like Mr. Fauxhawk), especially the uber crazy cheerleading coach who with complete seriousness delivers the line "This is what we call a total disaster ladies, I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office." Genius.
New Thing #17: Take a shower with all my clothes on
I needed something new and random. And well, this is what you get. It was strange to say the least. To be honest, it kinda sucked. I washed my hair with my clothes on but afterwards it was just too much. Besides, using body wash over the clothes would pretty much be the dumbest thing ever. That coming from a guy who just took a shower with his clothes on. Word.
New Thing #18: Take a Jung typology test
According to an online Jung typology test, I have a ENFJ personality type, whatever the hell that means. Apparently I have a lot in common with former President Bill Clinton, Tony Blair, Clara Burton (founder of the American Red Cross), and Ronald Reagan - since they're all ENFJ's as well. Broken down, I'm 33% extraverted, 25% intuitive, 12% feeling, and 11% judging. What the hell? That's only 81%! Where/what is the remaining 19%? It's funny that I'm an ENFJ, I always considered my personality to be a BAMF.
I needed something new and random. And well, this is what you get. It was strange to say the least. To be honest, it kinda sucked. I washed my hair with my clothes on but afterwards it was just too much. Besides, using body wash over the clothes would pretty much be the dumbest thing ever. That coming from a guy who just took a shower with his clothes on. Word.
New Thing #18: Take a Jung typology test
According to an online Jung typology test, I have a ENFJ personality type, whatever the hell that means. Apparently I have a lot in common with former President Bill Clinton, Tony Blair, Clara Burton (founder of the American Red Cross), and Ronald Reagan - since they're all ENFJ's as well. Broken down, I'm 33% extraverted, 25% intuitive, 12% feeling, and 11% judging. What the hell? That's only 81%! Where/what is the remaining 19%? It's funny that I'm an ENFJ, I always considered my personality to be a BAMF.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Caramel Cows Watch Lafayette
New Thing #12: Making Caramel Apples
Long time eater, first time maker. That's right, this weekend I took an adventure into making homemade caramel apples. After indulging in the decadent gourmet candy apples from the state fair, I decided that it might be fun to give it my own shot. The plan was simple enough - start with the basic caramel apple, and if that was successful, then move on to bigger and better things. I debated on making caramel from scratch - as in melting sugar and using a candy thermometer and all that mumbo jumbo, but instead I opted for a simpler solution: melting caramel candies. Is it cheating? Possibly. Have you made caramel apples from scratch? No? Then shaddap you face! It was a learning experience for me, a decadently sweet learning experience.
New Thing #13: Cleaning a Cow Pen
Before y'all start with the Davis cow jokes let's get the record straight. My experience with cows comes 2 years after graduating from UCD. And while we're at it, no, you can't physically tip a cow over. But I digress. This weekend I got down and dirty at an animal science teaching facility where researchers are studying the effects of sprinklers on dairy cow's feeding behavior. It makes sense - if you weighed a thousand pounds and had to endure the skin-melting heat of a Davis summer, you'd probably enjoy your food more when it was accompanied by a cool shower. And man do those cows eat! They say that if you give a mouse a cookie, it'll ask for milk. I found out that if you give a cow some feed, it shits. A LOT. Massive amounts of liquefied crap. Once you hear the distinctive plopping sounds, you know you're in for a real treat. To make matters worse, they don't bother to stop eating while they evacuate their bowels. Chew, chew, plop, plop, chew, plop, plop, and so on and so forth. I felt like I was witnessing one of those conveyor belts, where food goes in the mouth and instantly pops out the other end as waste. Lovely huh? Oh there's also the pee as well, which sounds like someone pouring a gallon of water onto a concrete floor. You know how if you see someone yawn, it's contagious and you end up yawning yourself? Listening to the sound of urine hitting the ground is kind of like that too. But the best part of the whole experience? Getting sneezed on by a cow. Yup, it was pretty much the whole Jurassic Park stick-your-hand-out-to-pet-the-pretty-animal-and-get-a-handful-of-snot-instead deal. Eat your heart out Mike Rowe.
New Thing #14: Reading Watchmen
New Thing #15: Visiting the Lafayette Hillside Memorial
I pass by this memorial twice a day going to and from work, yet this was the first time I've ever stopped to look at it. A hillside littered with white crosses, Stars of David, and Islamic crescents. It really is quite a sight when you start to realize what they're actually symbolizing. 5,166 (and counting) American soldiers that have paid the ultimate price in the name of their country and its sons and daughters. I don't think many people really take the time to appreciate the memorial - most likely due to it's close proximity to the bustling Lafayette BART station. But if you're ever in the area, you should check it out for yourself. No words of mine will ever do it justice. There's a dedicated blog about the memorial for those interested.
Long time eater, first time maker. That's right, this weekend I took an adventure into making homemade caramel apples. After indulging in the decadent gourmet candy apples from the state fair, I decided that it might be fun to give it my own shot. The plan was simple enough - start with the basic caramel apple, and if that was successful, then move on to bigger and better things. I debated on making caramel from scratch - as in melting sugar and using a candy thermometer and all that mumbo jumbo, but instead I opted for a simpler solution: melting caramel candies. Is it cheating? Possibly. Have you made caramel apples from scratch? No? Then shaddap you face! It was a learning experience for me, a decadently sweet learning experience.
New Thing #13: Cleaning a Cow Pen
Before y'all start with the Davis cow jokes let's get the record straight. My experience with cows comes 2 years after graduating from UCD. And while we're at it, no, you can't physically tip a cow over. But I digress. This weekend I got down and dirty at an animal science teaching facility where researchers are studying the effects of sprinklers on dairy cow's feeding behavior. It makes sense - if you weighed a thousand pounds and had to endure the skin-melting heat of a Davis summer, you'd probably enjoy your food more when it was accompanied by a cool shower. And man do those cows eat! They say that if you give a mouse a cookie, it'll ask for milk. I found out that if you give a cow some feed, it shits. A LOT. Massive amounts of liquefied crap. Once you hear the distinctive plopping sounds, you know you're in for a real treat. To make matters worse, they don't bother to stop eating while they evacuate their bowels. Chew, chew, plop, plop, chew, plop, plop, and so on and so forth. I felt like I was witnessing one of those conveyor belts, where food goes in the mouth and instantly pops out the other end as waste. Lovely huh? Oh there's also the pee as well, which sounds like someone pouring a gallon of water onto a concrete floor. You know how if you see someone yawn, it's contagious and you end up yawning yourself? Listening to the sound of urine hitting the ground is kind of like that too. But the best part of the whole experience? Getting sneezed on by a cow. Yup, it was pretty much the whole Jurassic Park stick-your-hand-out-to-pet-the-pretty-animal-and-get-a-handful-of-snot-instead deal. Eat your heart out Mike Rowe.
New Thing #14: Reading Watchmen
Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "save us!"...and I'll look down and whisper "no".When a comic book starts out like that, it pretty much sets the tone for the entire book, and you best believe that it's going to be good. I haven't seen the movie, so the comic has gone unspoiled thus far. I was surprised at the amount of background material and depth that the story goes into, and I found myself seeing the difference between a comic book and a graphic novel. Watchmen is definitely the latter. It's not images enhancing the text, but the text that enhances the images. And there are images that stand on their own with no need of textual enhancements. I'm only 3 chapters in, but I can already see why it's on Time magazine's 100 best novels list.
New Thing #15: Visiting the Lafayette Hillside Memorial
I pass by this memorial twice a day going to and from work, yet this was the first time I've ever stopped to look at it. A hillside littered with white crosses, Stars of David, and Islamic crescents. It really is quite a sight when you start to realize what they're actually symbolizing. 5,166 (and counting) American soldiers that have paid the ultimate price in the name of their country and its sons and daughters. I don't think many people really take the time to appreciate the memorial - most likely due to it's close proximity to the bustling Lafayette BART station. But if you're ever in the area, you should check it out for yourself. No words of mine will ever do it justice. There's a dedicated blog about the memorial for those interested.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.
New Thing #11: Get an Autograph From a TV Star
No, it isn't from Hiro Nakamura. Nor is it from Claire Bennet, or even HRG (although that would be pretty bad ass). The autograph is actually from every one's favorite lovable cop, Matt Parkman aka Greg Grunberg. Truth be told, I didn't actually get to meet him. My friend was at the Giants game in SF which Grunny just happened to be attending, and apparently he was in front of them at Muni or Bart or something like that. And since my friend knows that I'm a fan of Heroes (or at least used to be...I stopped watching halfway through Season 3 - but don't tell him that!), she asked him for an autograph for me. And he signed the only thing she had, a one dollar bill. Now, I know Heroes is a fictional work, and Greg Grunberg isn't a real cop, but if you're playing a cop on TV, you should at least have some background knowledge of the law (all great actors do their research). As such, Mr. Grunberg should have known that by signing his name on the dollar bill that he was in violation of Title 18, Section 333 of the United States Code:
No, it isn't from Hiro Nakamura. Nor is it from Claire Bennet, or even HRG (although that would be pretty bad ass). The autograph is actually from every one's favorite lovable cop, Matt Parkman aka Greg Grunberg. Truth be told, I didn't actually get to meet him. My friend was at the Giants game in SF which Grunny just happened to be attending, and apparently he was in front of them at Muni or Bart or something like that. And since my friend knows that I'm a fan of Heroes (or at least used to be...I stopped watching halfway through Season 3 - but don't tell him that!), she asked him for an autograph for me. And he signed the only thing she had, a one dollar bill. Now, I know Heroes is a fictional work, and Greg Grunberg isn't a real cop, but if you're playing a cop on TV, you should at least have some background knowledge of the law (all great actors do their research). As such, Mr. Grunberg should have known that by signing his name on the dollar bill that he was in violation of Title 18, Section 333 of the United States Code:
Under this provision, currency defacement is generally defined as follows: Whoever mutilates, cuts, disfigures, perforates, unites or cements together, or does any other thing to any bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt issued by any national banking association, Federal Reserve Bank, or Federal Reserve System, with intent to render such item(s) unfit to be reissued, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than six months, or both.I'm pretty sure a personalized autograph makes this particular bill unfit to be reissued. And he even signed over George Washington's face! He's lucky we're not under control of the British crown, because defacing the face of royalty is uber illegal. I find myself now in an interesting position, with an interesting proposition. This is directed at you, Greg Grunberg. Deliver a kick ass season 4 of Heroes that meets or exceeds the standard set by season 1 or I will have no choice but to report your defacing ass to the United States Secret Service. Do it for Molly. Do it for Daphne. Do it for us!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Old School vs. New School
New Thing #9: Sending a Telegram
The internet has killed so many things, including old fashion communication -(STOP)- It's pretty hard nowadays to even find a company that still does telegrams -(STOP)- So hard in fact, that I had to find a company that was located in Australia to do it -(STOP)- Okay so truthfully, it's not 100% old school - you type up what you want on the telegram on this website and they show you a preview of what it looks like -(STOP)- They'll also email you a jpg of the actual telegram -(STOP)- And it only cost me $4.70 USD -(STOP)- And if you haven't guessed it by now, every time you type in a "period" it inserts the stop message -(STOP)- But I love the fact that it's real old fashioned snail mail...and it's going to take 10+ days to get to the States -(STOP)- Doh -(STOP)-
New Thing #10: Logitech Ultra Thin Illuminated Keyboard
Okay first and foremost, I'm a huge Logitech fanboy. HUGE. All of my computer peripherals are from Logitech. So of course when I saw that this particular keyboard was on sale, I had to jump on it. And I have to say, I'm in love. It's a mind boggling 9.3mm thick but types with a crisp clean feel of a top of the line laptop keyboard. And they keys are backlit which makes typing in the dark a breeze. Did I need a new keybaord? Hell no! I have a perfectly good G15 that's now sitting in my closet. Impulse buys ftw! [Insert slight brain fart here] Hmm...while I love typing on my new keyboard, I'm not particularly happy with this post. It's not as fluid or funny or creative as I'd hoped. I feel like it's missing some oomph, some mojo, you know, some sort of essence...bah whatever, I love my new toy :D
The internet has killed so many things, including old fashion communication -(STOP)- It's pretty hard nowadays to even find a company that still does telegrams -(STOP)- So hard in fact, that I had to find a company that was located in Australia to do it -(STOP)- Okay so truthfully, it's not 100% old school - you type up what you want on the telegram on this website and they show you a preview of what it looks like -(STOP)- They'll also email you a jpg of the actual telegram -(STOP)- And it only cost me $4.70 USD -(STOP)- And if you haven't guessed it by now, every time you type in a "period" it inserts the stop message -(STOP)- But I love the fact that it's real old fashioned snail mail...and it's going to take 10+ days to get to the States -(STOP)- Doh -(STOP)-
New Thing #10: Logitech Ultra Thin Illuminated Keyboard
Okay first and foremost, I'm a huge Logitech fanboy. HUGE. All of my computer peripherals are from Logitech. So of course when I saw that this particular keyboard was on sale, I had to jump on it. And I have to say, I'm in love. It's a mind boggling 9.3mm thick but types with a crisp clean feel of a top of the line laptop keyboard. And they keys are backlit which makes typing in the dark a breeze. Did I need a new keybaord? Hell no! I have a perfectly good G15 that's now sitting in my closet. Impulse buys ftw! [Insert slight brain fart here] Hmm...while I love typing on my new keyboard, I'm not particularly happy with this post. It's not as fluid or funny or creative as I'd hoped. I feel like it's missing some oomph, some mojo, you know, some sort of essence...bah whatever, I love my new toy :D
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Blind Eyes & Numb Tongues
Time to play catchup so I don't fall too far behind in the blogging. So without further ado...
New Thing #7: Blindfolded baking
I'm not entirely sure where this one came from, but it was something new and that's my goal. And trust me, it's definitely not easy. I'm not even talking about the obvious hazards of trying to work the stove to make a ganache or navigating the cavernous inferno that is a conventional oven, oh no, I'm talking about the stupid little things like trying to pour batter into cupcake liners. It was definitely a strange feeling trying to do normal things like pour or crack eggs or mix, without having the ability to see what you're doing. I'm pretty sure I made a fool of myself, but I'm glad I had B. there to watch over me and keep my movements in check. If I had attempted this solo, I'm pretty sure I would have mutilated myself, burned the house down, and more likely than not, end up with lumpy cupcake batter. And that my friends is unacceptable. All in all, the cupcakes were full of win, but I think I'll keep my baking experience with eyes wide open from now on.
New Thing #8: How Many Licks Does it Take to get to the Center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?
We've all seen the commercials and we all know that Mr. Turtle was a wuss and Mr. Owl was a smartass. So naturally, it was time to figure this out for myself. And as it turns out, Tootsie Roll Pops have a new flavor out...Banana. Let me preface this by saying that I have a particular dislike for artificial banana flavoring. Real bananas have a distinct flavor that isn't overpoweringly sweet, fake bananas taste like poo rolled in Splenda. But alas, I'm sure you know where this post is going. The guidelines were simple: one lick consisted of a full length of my tongue, no sucking would be involved, and the challenge would be over when the candy shell was gone and the chocolaty center remained. Everything was going well until I reached the 520 lick mark, when I started to notice a rather large air bubble that had been trapped by the tootsie roll center. My licking had broken through to said air bubble and it came to my attention that I was left with a tootsie roll shell instead of solid chocolate center. Ripoff! This greatly reduced my ability to lick off the candy shell while preserving the chocolaty center. My licks were melting the candy and tootsie at an even rate. Crap. As it turned out, the 1:1 candy to tootsie ratio never changed in my favor, and I ended up licking that sucker (pun ftw!) to death. Seven hundred and thirteen mutha effin licks. And what did I come out with? A raw tongue and a sore jaw. Blogging...it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it.
New Thing #7: Blindfolded baking
I'm not entirely sure where this one came from, but it was something new and that's my goal. And trust me, it's definitely not easy. I'm not even talking about the obvious hazards of trying to work the stove to make a ganache or navigating the cavernous inferno that is a conventional oven, oh no, I'm talking about the stupid little things like trying to pour batter into cupcake liners. It was definitely a strange feeling trying to do normal things like pour or crack eggs or mix, without having the ability to see what you're doing. I'm pretty sure I made a fool of myself, but I'm glad I had B. there to watch over me and keep my movements in check. If I had attempted this solo, I'm pretty sure I would have mutilated myself, burned the house down, and more likely than not, end up with lumpy cupcake batter. And that my friends is unacceptable. All in all, the cupcakes were full of win, but I think I'll keep my baking experience with eyes wide open from now on.
New Thing #8: How Many Licks Does it Take to get to the Center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?
We've all seen the commercials and we all know that Mr. Turtle was a wuss and Mr. Owl was a smartass. So naturally, it was time to figure this out for myself. And as it turns out, Tootsie Roll Pops have a new flavor out...Banana. Let me preface this by saying that I have a particular dislike for artificial banana flavoring. Real bananas have a distinct flavor that isn't overpoweringly sweet, fake bananas taste like poo rolled in Splenda. But alas, I'm sure you know where this post is going. The guidelines were simple: one lick consisted of a full length of my tongue, no sucking would be involved, and the challenge would be over when the candy shell was gone and the chocolaty center remained. Everything was going well until I reached the 520 lick mark, when I started to notice a rather large air bubble that had been trapped by the tootsie roll center. My licking had broken through to said air bubble and it came to my attention that I was left with a tootsie roll shell instead of solid chocolate center. Ripoff! This greatly reduced my ability to lick off the candy shell while preserving the chocolaty center. My licks were melting the candy and tootsie at an even rate. Crap. As it turned out, the 1:1 candy to tootsie ratio never changed in my favor, and I ended up licking that sucker (pun ftw!) to death. Seven hundred and thirteen mutha effin licks. And what did I come out with? A raw tongue and a sore jaw. Blogging...it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
White Castle, Graffiti, and Gamers, Oh My!
Time for a weekend update!
New Thing #4: Deep-Fried White Castle
In keeping with the grand American tradition of taking something completely gross and unhealthy, throwing it in batter and deep frying it, and turning it into something amazing, I went to the California State Fair in search of something deliciously grotesque. And you better believe that I found it. Nestled away in a brightly lit, LED-clad Charlie's Chicken stand, I found my artery-clogging jewel. Take one White Castle cheeseburger dipped in batter, fried up and served with a basket of french fries and you've got one amazing crunchy piece of shit. YUM.
New thing #5: Visiting the Stevenson Bridge
They say life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. And I seriously doubt the Stevenson Bridge expected to end up the way it did. For those of you who don't know, the Stevenson Bridge is up near Davis, CA and spans the nearby Putah Creek. What makes it stand out from any other bridge is that is it covered in graffiti. It's a concrete blank canvas for those who just want to express their love, hate, and overall inspiring messages. It's a rather unique find that simultaneously shows the expressionistic nature of art and vandalism.
New Thing #6: Gamer
Okay before you get your panties all knotted up, keep in mind that coming up with 30 new things to do is not easy. Sometimes during your weekend you just want to relax and not spend the energy thinking up something that you haven't done yet. New movies are a great answer to such occasions because they're simple and they fulfill the requirements: something I've never seen/done/drank/ate etc. Anyways getting back to the movie, it was pretty much what I expected. Lots of guns, violence and explosions with little gaming Easter eggs hidden away like 'teabagging.' The whole visual experience was at times overwhelming, and I find myself trying to define just exactly what perspective I was in. Kable (aka Gerard Butler) is experiencing the MMO in first person. Simon, who controls Kable, experiences the game in third person. 1 x 3 = 3. Easy enough. This is where it gets tricky...am I, the viewer, observing Simon in a second-person perspective (as usually done in narratives) or a third-person perspective (since I'm watching Simon in the third person who's controlling Kable in the third person)? Does this mean by watching Gamer, I've actually experienced a 6th person perspective? Or even a ninth person perspective? That's some mind boggling quantum shit right there. For the universe's sake, I better just stick to first person shooters and keep the fragging limited to one perspective.
New Thing #4: Deep-Fried White Castle
In keeping with the grand American tradition of taking something completely gross and unhealthy, throwing it in batter and deep frying it, and turning it into something amazing, I went to the California State Fair in search of something deliciously grotesque. And you better believe that I found it. Nestled away in a brightly lit, LED-clad Charlie's Chicken stand, I found my artery-clogging jewel. Take one White Castle cheeseburger dipped in batter, fried up and served with a basket of french fries and you've got one amazing crunchy piece of shit. YUM.
New thing #5: Visiting the Stevenson Bridge
They say life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. And I seriously doubt the Stevenson Bridge expected to end up the way it did. For those of you who don't know, the Stevenson Bridge is up near Davis, CA and spans the nearby Putah Creek. What makes it stand out from any other bridge is that is it covered in graffiti. It's a concrete blank canvas for those who just want to express their love, hate, and overall inspiring messages. It's a rather unique find that simultaneously shows the expressionistic nature of art and vandalism.
New Thing #6: Gamer
Okay before you get your panties all knotted up, keep in mind that coming up with 30 new things to do is not easy. Sometimes during your weekend you just want to relax and not spend the energy thinking up something that you haven't done yet. New movies are a great answer to such occasions because they're simple and they fulfill the requirements: something I've never seen/done/drank/ate etc. Anyways getting back to the movie, it was pretty much what I expected. Lots of guns, violence and explosions with little gaming Easter eggs hidden away like 'teabagging.' The whole visual experience was at times overwhelming, and I find myself trying to define just exactly what perspective I was in. Kable (aka Gerard Butler) is experiencing the MMO in first person. Simon, who controls Kable, experiences the game in third person. 1 x 3 = 3. Easy enough. This is where it gets tricky...am I, the viewer, observing Simon in a second-person perspective (as usually done in narratives) or a third-person perspective (since I'm watching Simon in the third person who's controlling Kable in the third person)? Does this mean by watching Gamer, I've actually experienced a 6th person perspective? Or even a ninth person perspective? That's some mind boggling quantum shit right there. For the universe's sake, I better just stick to first person shooters and keep the fragging limited to one perspective.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Oh No You Didn't!
New Thing #3: Successfully Defeated Credit Card Fraud
I guess fraud was bound to happen eventually. I use my credit card for everything, and rarely ever have any cash on me. Credit cards are easy, fast, and they have perks like cash-back rewards. You don't get any money back when you pay in cash. And most of the time I don't really fine comb my statements, so this was just sheer luck that I noticed a charge from Netflix this month. The fact that I don't have a Netflix account kinda sorta raised a red flag in my mind. Granted, the charge was less than $6, but that's MY $6 that those greedy bastards are trying to take. So I emailed Chase and they protected what's in my wallet. Here's how it went down:
I guess fraud was bound to happen eventually. I use my credit card for everything, and rarely ever have any cash on me. Credit cards are easy, fast, and they have perks like cash-back rewards. You don't get any money back when you pay in cash. And most of the time I don't really fine comb my statements, so this was just sheer luck that I noticed a charge from Netflix this month. The fact that I don't have a Netflix account kinda sorta raised a red flag in my mind. Granted, the charge was less than $6, but that's MY $6 that those greedy bastards are trying to take. So I emailed Chase and they protected what's in my wallet. Here's how it went down:
September 3, 2009That's pretty much the gist of how it went down [with a few minor tweaks]. So that's my new thing for the day. Netflix? More like NetSUCKS. I'm taking my $6 to Blockbuster, bitches!
Dear [Lumzo]:
We are writing in response to your most recent inquiry
regarding your account listed below:
Account Number: xxxx-xxxx-xxxx-xxxx
08/23/2009 Nfi*Www.Netflix.Com/Cc $5.39
We have investigated your dispute for the [wtf is this?] charge mentioned
above.
We have resolved this dispute [by tracking down the thieves, tarring, feathering, and then castrating them] and issued a credit to your account for the amount of the charge [free shipping!]. You will see this on your next monthly statement [with attached pics of the castrated thieves tarred and feathered for your enjoyment].
Thank you for the opportunity to assist in this matter.
Sincerely,
[Badass Mofos from Chase]
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Energy Schmenergy
New thing #2: 5 Hour Energy shot!
As an aficionado of energy drinks, I felt an obligation to try this so called "wonder shot" that packs the same amount of punch as a bigger energy drink, without the sugar and inevitable crash. Well here's my verdict in a nutshell. Taste's like shit and kinda works. I don't really know how to describe the taste...like a flat, week-old Kool-aid? I guess I'm too used to the carbonated drinks because this shot tasted bad. I had to force myself to swallow all 2 ounces...now I know how some women feel (oh snap!). The only plus side was that I didn't feel a strong niacin flush like I do with other energy drinks (especially on an empty stomach - for faster energy boosting), and that I did have sustained energy for a few hours - but definitely not five. Try it if you want to, but I'll stick with my Redbulls and Monsters.
As an aficionado of energy drinks, I felt an obligation to try this so called "wonder shot" that packs the same amount of punch as a bigger energy drink, without the sugar and inevitable crash. Well here's my verdict in a nutshell. Taste's like shit and kinda works. I don't really know how to describe the taste...like a flat, week-old Kool-aid? I guess I'm too used to the carbonated drinks because this shot tasted bad. I had to force myself to swallow all 2 ounces...now I know how some women feel (oh snap!). The only plus side was that I didn't feel a strong niacin flush like I do with other energy drinks (especially on an empty stomach - for faster energy boosting), and that I did have sustained energy for a few hours - but definitely not five. Try it if you want to, but I'll stick with my Redbulls and Monsters.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
30 New Things in 30 Days
My last attempt at a motivating project failed miserably (see Project 24). This time I've decided to start things slow, so I'm going to limit myself to only a month, instead of a whole year. So for the month of September, I've decided to try 30 new things in 30 days. These new things can include anything from new activities, food, drink etc.
Let's do this!
New thing #1: Ate dim sum for dinner. At a very weird Chinese restaurant that simultaneously served as a bar that has happy hour and plays the Macarena. But a very cool sign that I should undergo this new project was the fortune that I got in my fortune cookie.
Here's to 29 more new things!
Let's do this!
New thing #1: Ate dim sum for dinner. At a very weird Chinese restaurant that simultaneously served as a bar that has happy hour and plays the Macarena. But a very cool sign that I should undergo this new project was the fortune that I got in my fortune cookie.
Here's to 29 more new things!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Text STOP to opt out...
...of intelligence.
Why do I never learn. If I ignore the texts, they only come once every 3 months. If I type STOP, then they come every 2 weeks. YAY!
Texting STOP and the DO NOT CALL list should hook up one day and have a bastard child called the DO NOT STOP CALLing list. Word bitches. Word.
Why do I never learn. If I ignore the texts, they only come once every 3 months. If I type STOP, then they come every 2 weeks. YAY!
Texting STOP and the DO NOT CALL list should hook up one day and have a bastard child called the DO NOT STOP CALLing list. Word bitches. Word.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Sucker...
I've been getting calls from a (530) number and a (603) number everyday for the past month. Tonight I finally had enough. 530 called and I gave in and answered. Lo and behold it was UCD and its student minions begging for money. But they were sly about it. They chat you up and ask how you're doing and make sure your contact information is correct, and then they talk about how they want you to come back to the homecoming games and see other special Alumni. And right before the conversation gets to that awkward silent phase, they slip in this SOB story about how the campus desperately needs money in this financial crisis and how it's up to the alumni to support a school that has given so much to them blah blah freakin blah.
Well I hope you're happy UCD, you suckered me into giving you even more money. This must be what it feels like when the Mafia demands protection money. Bastards.
On another note, the Do Not Call list is a joke. Biggest. Scam. Ever.
603...STOP CALLING ME. I don't know anyone from New Hampshire. And guess what, I'm giving your number to the internets in hopes that they'll start calling you every stinkin day.
603-214-3645 - Take a long walk off a short pier.
Well I hope you're happy UCD, you suckered me into giving you even more money. This must be what it feels like when the Mafia demands protection money. Bastards.
On another note, the Do Not Call list is a joke. Biggest. Scam. Ever.
603...STOP CALLING ME. I don't know anyone from New Hampshire. And guess what, I'm giving your number to the internets in hopes that they'll start calling you every stinkin day.
603-214-3645 - Take a long walk off a short pier.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
A's stands for...
Awful or awesome?
Both adjectives seem to sum up the events of today. Work was pretty crappy with even more primer problems and indications that there's been a contamination in a publicly used plate since early Nov '08. What's even more troubling is that everyone who uses that gene and my $500k primate study has been affected by it. Troubleshooting is a bitch, but I guess someone has to do it. Let's just hope that things pan out before I get in too deep.
It didn't seem like there would be much to salvage the day. That is until I got a text from my friend, E, inviting me to the A's game. Little did I know it would be full of awesome.
We started out in the outfield by the foul pole, then got a call from E's coworker to join him in a luxury box, which happened to be Al Davis' private suite. Leather seats, a kick ass stereo, private blinds for the windows and 4 tv's awaited us. To make it even better, we were on TV when the cameras panned into the room.
The A's pretty much sucked tonight, but it was the end of the night that made up for it. We snuck into the Yankee's player parking lot and took pics and got autographs from C.C Sabathia. That dude is freakin tall.
Blah I want to write more, but I'm uber tired. Sleep calls.
Night!
Both adjectives seem to sum up the events of today. Work was pretty crappy with even more primer problems and indications that there's been a contamination in a publicly used plate since early Nov '08. What's even more troubling is that everyone who uses that gene and my $500k primate study has been affected by it. Troubleshooting is a bitch, but I guess someone has to do it. Let's just hope that things pan out before I get in too deep.
It didn't seem like there would be much to salvage the day. That is until I got a text from my friend, E, inviting me to the A's game. Little did I know it would be full of awesome.
We started out in the outfield by the foul pole, then got a call from E's coworker to join him in a luxury box, which happened to be Al Davis' private suite. Leather seats, a kick ass stereo, private blinds for the windows and 4 tv's awaited us. To make it even better, we were on TV when the cameras panned into the room.
The A's pretty much sucked tonight, but it was the end of the night that made up for it. We snuck into the Yankee's player parking lot and took pics and got autographs from C.C Sabathia. That dude is freakin tall.
Blah I want to write more, but I'm uber tired. Sleep calls.
Night!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Boom! Head shot!
You know what really grinds my gears? Flies.
Flies are useless. They're not like bees or butterflies who help contribute to the world around them by pollinating flowers or providing honey for humans to eat. Flies contribute nothing. They buzz around annoying the crap out of you and stick their disgusting mouth/tongue all over our yummy food. And they love poop. Wtf.
As you can see, my love for flies is apparent. It's so apparent that one unlucky fly tried to make friends with me this evening. Buzz buzz here, buzz buzz there, flying around like it owned my room. MY room. That was the last mistake it'd ever make. But this was no ordinary house fly. This was the daredevil of flies. It wasn't just cruising around in a holding pattern like some 747, no sir, we're talking full out balls-to-the-wall Top Gun 4G inverted dives. It was faster and more maneuverable than my fly swatter, I'll give it that. That's why when one tried to make me its bitch, I had to bust out the big guns.
I waited till it landed on my desk and then, like the sneaky bastard that I am, revealed my secret weapons. In one hand, my trusty Maglite flashlight. In the other, Ol Blue, my fly-killing swatter of death. All great generals will tell you that when you're facing an adversary, your greatest ally is the element of surprise. And with many years of Risk, Starcraft, and countless other strategy games providing me the tools and knowledge of a successful flanking maneuver, I began my double pronged Panzer strike.
I began repeatedly attacking the its senses with a disorienting strobe light action from the Maglite while encroaching from the rear with Ol Blue. Masterfully, like a maestro of death, I timed my flashing with the beats of Trevor Rabin's "Evacuation" from Armageddon until the culmination of pulsating light and technosynth reached its crescendo and death rained down in one fell swoop.
One down, Graham's number - 1 to go.
Flies are useless. They're not like bees or butterflies who help contribute to the world around them by pollinating flowers or providing honey for humans to eat. Flies contribute nothing. They buzz around annoying the crap out of you and stick their disgusting mouth/tongue all over our yummy food. And they love poop. Wtf.
As you can see, my love for flies is apparent. It's so apparent that one unlucky fly tried to make friends with me this evening. Buzz buzz here, buzz buzz there, flying around like it owned my room. MY room. That was the last mistake it'd ever make. But this was no ordinary house fly. This was the daredevil of flies. It wasn't just cruising around in a holding pattern like some 747, no sir, we're talking full out balls-to-the-wall Top Gun 4G inverted dives. It was faster and more maneuverable than my fly swatter, I'll give it that. That's why when one tried to make me its bitch, I had to bust out the big guns.
I waited till it landed on my desk and then, like the sneaky bastard that I am, revealed my secret weapons. In one hand, my trusty Maglite flashlight. In the other, Ol Blue, my fly-killing swatter of death. All great generals will tell you that when you're facing an adversary, your greatest ally is the element of surprise. And with many years of Risk, Starcraft, and countless other strategy games providing me the tools and knowledge of a successful flanking maneuver, I began my double pronged Panzer strike.
I began repeatedly attacking the its senses with a disorienting strobe light action from the Maglite while encroaching from the rear with Ol Blue. Masterfully, like a maestro of death, I timed my flashing with the beats of Trevor Rabin's "Evacuation" from Armageddon until the culmination of pulsating light and technosynth reached its crescendo and death rained down in one fell swoop.
One down, Graham's number - 1 to go.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Fail
Project 24 is an epic fail. My goal was to take one picture a day for an entire year. Why? I'm not quite sure. Vanity perhaps? A small sense of accomplishment? Well it seems my laziness has gotten the best of me and in a 2 month period, I only ended up taking ~ 20 pics. Oops. I guess I have to start smaller with my ambitions. Maybe instead of a year, I'll start out with 1 month. Unless you have any other suggestions for a new project. Well, do you?
Monday, July 27, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Updeezy in the heezy
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not very good at updating this blog. Instead of updating constantly, I end up procrastinating and then I have to go and play catch up, which usually results in a super long entry with lots of random ramblings. So what has happened since mid April? Let's recap.
*LOST voice-over* Previously on An Unforeseeable Certainty...
ATS 2009! I came, I saw, I conquered. I had a lot of fun and while some of the lectures were boring, it was cool to experience a big conference and to see so many fellow nerds, geeks, dweebs, and spazzes. I finally got my conference/poster cherry popped. Double whammy! (Eww I just realized how gross that sounded...) Some pics from the trip are on FB so I won't bother posting them here.
With the graduation season upon us, it is quite common for one to start reflecting upon their lives and to wonder and question where the time has gone and what they have accomplished thus far. Since it has been exactly 2 years to the day since I’ve graduated, I’ve naturally been reflecting as well. This reflection was also spurred since my little sis graduated this past Saturday. And while sitting on the West field lawn listening to a rather boring and uninformative graduation speech (which was given by a prominent economics professor who used the venue as a way to promote her ideals about the correlations of outsourced jobs and economic despair…but I digress) I began to think about my own life and how far I’ve come since getting my own degree. I've come a long way in both my personal and professional life. It's weird to think about all the people who have come and gone in and out of my life over these two years, and I'm left to wonder what will happen in the next two to come.
Finally, parting words for the graduating class of 2009. Public bathrooms are gross. Double up on the toilet seat covers, because everyone knows one sheet isn't enough to save your ass (literally). Pajama bottoms are no longer an acceptable attire outside of the house. Give blood. Volunteer. Have fun. But most importantly:
Smile. Laugh. Love.
*LOST voice-over* Previously on An Unforeseeable Certainty...
ATS 2009! I came, I saw, I conquered. I had a lot of fun and while some of the lectures were boring, it was cool to experience a big conference and to see so many fellow nerds, geeks, dweebs, and spazzes. I finally got my conference/poster cherry popped. Double whammy! (Eww I just realized how gross that sounded...) Some pics from the trip are on FB so I won't bother posting them here.
With the graduation season upon us, it is quite common for one to start reflecting upon their lives and to wonder and question where the time has gone and what they have accomplished thus far. Since it has been exactly 2 years to the day since I’ve graduated, I’ve naturally been reflecting as well. This reflection was also spurred since my little sis graduated this past Saturday. And while sitting on the West field lawn listening to a rather boring and uninformative graduation speech (which was given by a prominent economics professor who used the venue as a way to promote her ideals about the correlations of outsourced jobs and economic despair…but I digress) I began to think about my own life and how far I’ve come since getting my own degree. I've come a long way in both my personal and professional life. It's weird to think about all the people who have come and gone in and out of my life over these two years, and I'm left to wonder what will happen in the next two to come.
Finally, parting words for the graduating class of 2009. Public bathrooms are gross. Double up on the toilet seat covers, because everyone knows one sheet isn't enough to save your ass (literally). Pajama bottoms are no longer an acceptable attire outside of the house. Give blood. Volunteer. Have fun. But most importantly:
Smile. Laugh. Love.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
If there's one consistent thing in this world...
...it's change.
How cliche right? Either way, the saying still holds truth.
Easter has come and gone and my stint at a 40 day/night liquid detox is finally over. In all honesty, I didn't think I would be able to go sans-caffeine for so long. But Lent is over now and what better way to celebrate than to get uber drunk this weekend for the UC Davis centennial! Which coincides with this years Picnic Day! I've gone every year since I started as a freshman, and I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon. If you've never been, I highly recommend it. w00t!
I thought I had more to write, but I guess I don't.
And remember: On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
How cliche right? Either way, the saying still holds truth.
Easter has come and gone and my stint at a 40 day/night liquid detox is finally over. In all honesty, I didn't think I would be able to go sans-caffeine for so long. But Lent is over now and what better way to celebrate than to get uber drunk this weekend for the UC Davis centennial! Which coincides with this years Picnic Day! I've gone every year since I started as a freshman, and I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon. If you've never been, I highly recommend it. w00t!
I thought I had more to write, but I guess I don't.
And remember: On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)