LHC

I'm sure most of you know or at least have heard a teeny bit about the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) by now. But for those of you who have not, the LHC is a ginormous particle accelerator created to test high energy physics and try to prove the existence of the Higgs boson. What a boson is, I have no idea, nor do I know who Higgs is. All I know is that the LHC is the supposed Doomsday device that will bring forth the end of the world as we know it.

Conspiracy theorists say that the LHC will create mini black holes that will implode the Earth, or that we'll stumble upon antimatter and things will simply be obliterated in a burst of high energy gamma rays. Sounds cool right? One minute you're sitting on the couch and the next minute you're staring face to antiface with the antiyou that is antisitting on the anticouch. And the instance you two touch, you both vanish and everything around you becomes doused in gamma rays (not to mention that everything will most likely turn lovely shades of green ala Bruce Banner).

But what's holding back our Hulk-like rampages? The fact that the stupid machine keeps breaking down. First it was a violent failure in the circuitry connections which lead to a liquid helium leak. And now it's a freakin bread crumb dropped by a bird leading to overheating in the superconducting magnets. Epic FAIL. How the hell does something like this happen? Yes I know the machine is super complex, but come on. If I were building a machine that costs several billion dollars, I'd make sure it had some sort of screen to protect it's vital parts from falling bread crumbs.

Despite its apparent vulnerability to pastries, the LHC is scheduled to start up again in a couple of weeks. Or is it? Some say that the recent hiccups that the LHC has endured isn't simply a case of bad luck, but rather a divine intervention. Could it be that the LHC is being sabotaged by its own future? Could the Higgs boson be so catastrophic to mankind, nay, the very fabric of space and time that something/someone is actively trying to prevent us from unleashing said catastrophe? Is there some divine presence denying us the knowledge of the beginnings of our universe, much like God denied Adam and Eve the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge? Apparently the LHC is 17-mile long serpent and the Higgs boson is the forbidden fruit. I believe Dr. Ian Malcolm said it best, "Scientists are so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think whether or not they should." Someone should have mentioned that to the creators of this. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.