Some people are like slinkies...

...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

You know who is a slinky? Joshua Jackson. Yup, little Pacey McStupid from Dawson's Creek. Instead of going on this huge long rant on my personal dislikes about everything that is JJ, I'll leave it to a quick summary that mainly focuses on his recent piece of crap...Fringe. Okay, so I guess my frustrations shouldn't be aimed at the actor per say, rather the writers who think this nonsensical piece of garbage has any shred of common sense or logic. They throw around ideas that seem great, but if you have an IQ higher than that of a rock, certain things just don't seem to fit. Not only is the writing bad, but the visuals are even worse. I'm not talking about the CGI or other special effects - those are decent for a television series. I'm talking about little things that try and make the show more intense or unique, but only end up distracting and ultimately annoying the viewer. So I've created a list of 5 things I hate about Fringe. It's sad that after only watching the pilot episode, I already have a list of hate.

5 Things I Hate About Fringe:

5. Jackson's character. This dubbed 'genius' is a nobody who knows he's smart and thus flashes his IQ around like it's a badge. He's a wanderer and a faux-con artist. He's a nobody. The only reason why he's in the show is because his dad is the only person in the world who can help the FBI deal with "The Pattern." He's not an FBI agent, yet he is content in trying to play one, and goes about doing FBI related things - like breach an entrypoint in an abandoned warehouse. The funny thing is, no one on the show seems to realize that he's not an FBI agent. Case in point, Jackson's character is wearing a visitor badge yet he is able to walk through an FBI personnel only door, and into an unlocked interrogation room where the supposed evil mastermind of a flesh-dissolving compound is being held. He then goes postal on said mastermind's hand without being noticed. In the words of Chief Wiggum: "That's some fine detective work there, Lou."

4. The ability of an interdepartmental FBI liaison to have the power to ascertain any equipment, chemical, facility that a mentally institutionalized patient requests without having to go through any type of acquisition form/request. They reopened a derelict lab in the basement of Harvard, brought in a cow, pulled images from a dead girls optic nerve, and then just for kicks decided to make LSD. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

3. Random flashes/cutaways/bad edits/lens flares. There are enough of these in the pilot episode to make a blind person go into epileptic shock. True story.

2. Fringe = LOST wannabe. Yes I know J.J. Abrams created Alias and LOST, but come on, Fringe was supposed to be this radical new show; this generation's X-Files or something. I guess J.J. really took it to heart with that whole 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' expression. There's classic LOST elements at every stinkin turn. The most prominent LOST ripoff is the music. Every suspenseful part is accompanied by increased music volume which suddenly cuts into commercial. The fading/increasing is exactly the same in every type of situation, and it even sounds the same. Fringe not only took the same music techniques, I'm pretty sure it took the music itself. It tries to be the same without being the same. One show is a geniuine Mickey Mouse shirt while the other is a cheap Asian knockoff labeled Miokey Mouse.

1. FLOATING MOTHERF--KING TITLES! It may have been cool to use in Panic Room, but now they're just annoying. They add nothing to the show and are pretty distracting. It looks like they're trying to blend the titles into the scenary - as if to portray that they're a physical object in the scene that you'd think the characters would acknowledge. Nope. They just float along looking like a cheap WordArt logo.

The only reason to watch Fringe is to see shit like this:

Yup...That's his jaw melting off.